[ He's trying. Very hard to treat this like it is normal. Very, very hard. See, he's making light. He stays out of immediate range but only just so, to give her the ability to lash out, if she wants to, but not so close that she feels threatened.
Silco knows very well how to hold back. He's spent half of her life doing so. He ran a hand through his hair, to settle it back into place. She says she's been talking to him. Even when he's not there, and there's something that coils in his chest, like pain, like disappointment, like lead in his belly. That he wasn't there. ]
I saw something I knew how to do, Jinx. [ He doesn't excuse it. She's right. He wasn't looking for the king. Vander, well. He has his reasons for that. Jinx can hear that later. She's more mad about this, he knows. ]
They put me in the right position, they gave me the keys to do it. [ So yeah, he hadn't really gotten involved with the King. Would anyone had ever wanted him there anyway? Absolutely not. ]
I'm adapting. [ Being out of his comfort zone, he means. ]
'Course it's never you, is it, Silco? He provoked you. Marcus hid Vi. Never you. You don't lie to me, you just hide it. You wouldn't tell me about it if I hadn't walked in, because of course you wouldn't. You saw something you knew how to do.
(she's too weary for energetic displays of anger. it's not unlike when he was gone, that she was just too
overwhelmed.
it's sadness instead of mania this time, luckily for both of them. it could change in a moment's notice, but it doesn't so far. right now, she just wants to make herself small, hug her legs against her chest so she can feel some sense of protection.)
... If we fuck up, everything you two fought for, that I fought for, is for nothing. It's gone, like smoke from a barrel in the cosmic wind. Adapt. Better.
(she's not being forthcoming, naturally. it is hardly for zaun that she is fighting, but instead, about the hope that she has blossoming in a child.
she can't tell silco. if anything, she can take a page from his book.
[ Isn't it fitting, that his child would learn the worst of his lessons from him, and subject him to this very thing? Silco doesn't know. He doesn't know a lot of things that are being withheld from him. Isha. Zaun's future. He's been given enough pieces and parts of the future that he knows where it goes, and he knows that without him it all falls apart.
Fitting, maybe. Were it not his life's work, he would feel pride in that. That some know-nothing little thing had been smarter, better, more witty that it could fall apart without him. If it weren't for the fact that it sounds like Zaun is falling apart without him... Everything he'd worked to erect falling apart...
He was angry about it instead.
But he doesn't voice that to Jinx. Not right now. Not with all of this. With his failure in his face. ]
I don't lie to you. [ But she's right. He doesn't say it, either. ]
So I will tell you the truth, Jinx. I do not tell you these things, because they are petty. Because I know you talk to him.
[ But he is in the right. He knows he is. ]
He has jumped me more times than then. I have refrained from violence, which is why you don't know about it.
[ Of course, the one time he does not, she walks in. ]
I know what is at stake. [ He steps closer and crouches down to her level. ] I gave everything for Zaun. I no more want to see it destroyed than you do.
[ But, But. If he had to choose... He knows what he would choose. Right now they coincide, and in fact, Jinx is showing more drive to fix this than he thought she ever would. Maybe she really is stepping up now that he's gone. (SILCO NO...) ]
I'm not going to let it be set adrift. I put too much into it, to let it go now.
[ Even though Jinx is here.
If she stayed here, then he would look away from Zaun. Always. Because his entire world is in this room. No matter what he tells himself, no matter what he thinks. There is a reason Silco doesn't consider Jinx killing him, because it would torch the only thing he has. ]
(If only telling him didn't make it reek of betrayal. To tell him that, now that she is sole, she can see things in a way that she couldn't before. She has something that she truly cares about, a life that depends on her much like Jinx once did on Silco.
Once.
Perhaps that's the part that might hurt him the most. Things she won't tell him, lessons learned from the man himself, and she doesn't enjoy them. She's too loud for secrets, too explosive to keep them safe in her throat without bursting out, and for all their sakes, she's trying.
Doing her best.)
Then you two have to try harder, Silco.
(The secrecy of this place. On what criteria are they being evaluated? Will their squabbles and "petty" arguments cost them a mission? Could have, as it were the last one.
As far as she knows, well. This might as well be their demise. If they can't keep it together, she hardly can, and it's no secret what can happen when she's too agitated. Once more, doing her best, but much of her best is needed? Is it enough?
All things that cross her mind as she stares at their feet for a moment before she looks back on him.)
Tell me instead. Call me when you feel it happening. Call... Ugh, Sevika, too. Don't just--... Make me go through this.
I wouldn't have to, if he actually listened to you, would I?
[ It's petty, maybe, the way he says it. What he says. The angry little spiteful part of him that wants to remind her that he's not the one inciting this. It isn't that he wouldn't, but Silco's plans are more artful, and controlled. If he was actually going to make a move, he wouldn't do it like Vander has. It would have a dual purpose, be orchestrated, and then, yes. It would involve revenge. Remind him of the monster — he knew it was there in him.
Every time he approached Silco, he reminded him of that. Lashing out.
He might have even respected it, had it not jeopardized he and Jinx.
Instead, it just made him mad. ]
I won't promise — [ he held up a finger, to try and stifle any protest. ] — but I will follow and not make him bleed.
Last time I was in the open, before we left, he jumped me from behind. He could have snapped my neck. That doesn't exactly leave room to call either of you, does it?
[ It was close enough that it had gotten into those receptors of his that spoke of panic.
They both knew the significance. ]
I will not promise only because I don't want to break it. I will, however, promise to try, if I can.
[ It would be easier. If he stayed out of Silco's way.
Unfortunately, that does not seem to be happening, does it? ]
(He doesn't get to do this anymore. Too much had transpired between them when Vi came back from Stillwater. The half-lies, the sneaky way he put things, she realizes it all in hindsight.
At times, they become whispers in her ear, and sometimes they win. Right now, however, they backfire as more spite. It's a push and pull, hot and cold, and his presence exacerbates it - not that she notices that part.
He does win her when he doesn't promise it. It feels honest, a promise to try that she can hold him accountable, even if she isn't really seeing that trying is a subjective matter.
A promise that he can very easily break, under many grounds, but that she hardly things of because she feels...
[ He confirms, because she had. Silco thinks he's in the right, believes it, because he's not been starting the fights. Perhaps he should have, but then again, would it have soothed anything? Or would it have driven her right back to Vander's family, where he'd comfort his daughter, tell her that it couldn't be helped, that Silco was poison, and always had been.
She would leave, she would leave, she would leave —
No, this is better. He let Vander's anger get the better of him. He let him do the lashing out. It was safer, and it continued to keep him in her good graces. Partially. Kind of. As best he could. ]
I don't want to be forced to leave you. [ he says. Pull, pull, pull. With him. It would always be just them. Even death couldn't separate them. He'd always be there for her. His mind circles around it, making it reality, forcing it into reality. ] I'll do anything to make sure I don't. I promise, I'll keep trying.
(He is incapable, and so is she. All the times she spoke to him when he wasn't there, the way she continues to seek something out of him that isn't tangible when he isn't alive to give it to her.
... But the way she is, as of now? The things she experienced, the short-lived idea of what his dream had been for her... The hero of Zaun. She hates it. She wants to live, and it's so hard to think of it when he's around.
They can fix it. So, with a sigh, she moves to wrap his arms around her, one arm at a time before she can do it to him, too.)
[ That's the rub, isn't it? He can't even be angry with her. Not for killing him, not for wanting to have a relationship with her other father; the one Silco would bury six feet under over and over and over if he could. It's a jealous thing, this father's love, but it is love for her, even if it's stained like toxic water from the Pilt.
He holds her tight, lets her guide it. Jinx always got what she wanted in the end from him. Everybody knew it in the Undercity, that if Jinx wanted something, she got it. He would make it happen.
So if she wants Silco to keep from fighting Vander? He would do his best. Mind, it would be avoiding him, but he would.
Then if he didn't comply... well. He would have the high ground, wouldn't he?
But at least for one moment, it's just them, like it always has been. There's never been anybody else, they're the only ones that won't leave. All they have is each other. A stifling sort of arrangement, is it actually what she needs? Or is it, as always, what he actually wants for her? ]
(Living without him has been... Strange, and yet, rewarding. To make her own path away from the footprints he left her, not having the certainty of what tomorrow may hold as he does not hold it for her. To see all that Zaun has become when there is no Silco to pick up the slack, and she? Jinx is no Silco.
Too emotional. Too exhausted.
The streets demand for her, and she can't put her mind to do it. Divided between trying to honor what they've done for her, and wanting to live. Breathing in right now does put some comfort and some security back in her even if it had been broken last she saw him alive.
Family is complicated, and she just sighs into his chest for a second before she lets go.)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ He's trying. Very hard to treat this like it is normal. Very, very hard. See, he's making light. He stays out of immediate range but only just so, to give her the ability to lash out, if she wants to, but not so close that she feels threatened.
Silco knows very well how to hold back. He's spent half of her life doing so. He ran a hand through his hair, to settle it back into place. She says she's been talking to him. Even when he's not there, and there's something that coils in his chest, like pain, like disappointment, like lead in his belly. That he wasn't there. ]
I saw something I knew how to do, Jinx. [ He doesn't excuse it. She's right. He wasn't looking for the king. Vander, well. He has his reasons for that. Jinx can hear that later. She's more mad about this, he knows. ]
They put me in the right position, they gave me the keys to do it. [ So yeah, he hadn't really gotten involved with the King. Would anyone had ever wanted him there anyway? Absolutely not. ]
I'm adapting. [ Being out of his comfort zone, he means. ]
no subject
(she's too weary for energetic displays of anger. it's not unlike when he was gone, that she was just too
overwhelmed.
it's sadness instead of mania this time, luckily for both of them. it could change in a moment's notice, but it doesn't so far. right now, she just wants to make herself small, hug her legs against her chest so she can feel some sense of protection.)
... If we fuck up, everything you two fought for, that I fought for, is for nothing. It's gone, like smoke from a barrel in the cosmic wind. Adapt. Better.
(she's not being forthcoming, naturally. it is hardly for zaun that she is fighting, but instead, about the hope that she has blossoming in a child.
she can't tell silco. if anything, she can take a page from his book.
omit.)
no subject
Fitting, maybe. Were it not his life's work, he would feel pride in that. That some know-nothing little thing had been smarter, better, more witty that it could fall apart without him. If it weren't for the fact that it sounds like Zaun is falling apart without him... Everything he'd worked to erect falling apart...
He was angry about it instead.
But he doesn't voice that to Jinx. Not right now. Not with all of this. With his failure in his face. ]
I don't lie to you. [ But she's right. He doesn't say it, either. ]
So I will tell you the truth, Jinx. I do not tell you these things, because they are petty. Because I know you talk to him.
[ But he is in the right. He knows he is. ]
He has jumped me more times than then. I have refrained from violence, which is why you don't know about it.
[ Of course, the one time he does not, she walks in. ]
I know what is at stake. [ He steps closer and crouches down to her level. ] I gave everything for Zaun. I no more want to see it destroyed than you do.
[ But, But. If he had to choose... He knows what he would choose. Right now they coincide, and in fact, Jinx is showing more drive to fix this than he thought she ever would. Maybe she really is stepping up now that he's gone. (SILCO NO...) ]
I'm not going to let it be set adrift. I put too much into it, to let it go now.
[ Even though Jinx is here.
If she stayed here, then he would look away from Zaun. Always. Because his entire world is in this room. No matter what he tells himself, no matter what he thinks. There is a reason Silco doesn't consider Jinx killing him, because it would torch the only thing he has. ]
no subject
Once.
Perhaps that's the part that might hurt him the most. Things she won't tell him, lessons learned from the man himself, and she doesn't enjoy them. She's too loud for secrets, too explosive to keep them safe in her throat without bursting out, and for all their sakes, she's trying.
Doing her best.)
Then you two have to try harder, Silco.
(The secrecy of this place. On what criteria are they being evaluated? Will their squabbles and "petty" arguments cost them a mission? Could have, as it were the last one.
As far as she knows, well. This might as well be their demise. If they can't keep it together, she hardly can, and it's no secret what can happen when she's too agitated. Once more, doing her best, but much of her best is needed? Is it enough?
All things that cross her mind as she stares at their feet for a moment before she looks back on him.)
Tell me instead. Call me when you feel it happening. Call... Ugh, Sevika, too. Don't just--... Make me go through this.
Please.
no subject
[ It's petty, maybe, the way he says it. What he says. The angry little spiteful part of him that wants to remind her that he's not the one inciting this. It isn't that he wouldn't, but Silco's plans are more artful, and controlled. If he was actually going to make a move, he wouldn't do it like Vander has. It would have a dual purpose, be orchestrated, and then, yes. It would involve revenge. Remind him of the monster — he knew it was there in him.
Every time he approached Silco, he reminded him of that. Lashing out.
He might have even respected it, had it not jeopardized he and Jinx.
Instead, it just made him mad. ]
I won't promise — [ he held up a finger, to try and stifle any protest. ] — but I will follow and not make him bleed.
Last time I was in the open, before we left, he jumped me from behind. He could have snapped my neck. That doesn't exactly leave room to call either of you, does it?
[ It was close enough that it had gotten into those receptors of his that spoke of panic.
They both knew the significance. ]
I will not promise only because I don't want to break it. I will, however, promise to try, if I can.
[ It would be easier. If he stayed out of Silco's way.
Unfortunately, that does not seem to be happening, does it? ]
no subject
(He doesn't get to do this anymore. Too much had transpired between them when Vi came back from Stillwater. The half-lies, the sneaky way he put things, she realizes it all in hindsight.
At times, they become whispers in her ear, and sometimes they win. Right now, however, they backfire as more spite. It's a push and pull, hot and cold, and his presence exacerbates it - not that she notices that part.
He does win her when he doesn't promise it. It feels honest, a promise to try that she can hold him accountable, even if she isn't really seeing that trying is a subjective matter.
A promise that he can very easily break, under many grounds, but that she hardly things of because she feels...
Safe. Push and pull, hot and cold.)
Fine. Fine!
no subject
[ He confirms, because she had. Silco thinks he's in the right, believes it, because he's not been starting the fights. Perhaps he should have, but then again, would it have soothed anything? Or would it have driven her right back to Vander's family, where he'd comfort his daughter, tell her that it couldn't be helped, that Silco was poison, and always had been.
She would leave, she would leave, she would leave —
No, this is better. He let Vander's anger get the better of him. He let him do the lashing out. It was safer, and it continued to keep him in her good graces. Partially. Kind of. As best he could. ]
I don't want to be forced to leave you. [ he says. Pull, pull, pull. With him. It would always be just them. Even death couldn't separate them. He'd always be there for her. His mind circles around it, making it reality, forcing it into reality. ] I'll do anything to make sure I don't. I promise, I'll keep trying.
no subject
(He is incapable, and so is she. All the times she spoke to him when he wasn't there, the way she continues to seek something out of him that isn't tangible when he isn't alive to give it to her.
... But the way she is, as of now? The things she experienced, the short-lived idea of what his dream had been for her... The hero of Zaun. She hates it. She wants to live, and it's so hard to think of it when he's around.
They can fix it. So, with a sigh, she moves to wrap his arms around her, one arm at a time before she can do it to him, too.)
Good.
no subject
[ That's the rub, isn't it? He can't even be angry with her. Not for killing him, not for wanting to have a relationship with her other father; the one Silco would bury six feet under over and over and over if he could. It's a jealous thing, this father's love, but it is love for her, even if it's stained like toxic water from the Pilt.
He holds her tight, lets her guide it. Jinx always got what she wanted in the end from him. Everybody knew it in the Undercity, that if Jinx wanted something, she got it. He would make it happen.
So if she wants Silco to keep from fighting Vander? He would do his best. Mind, it would be avoiding him, but he would.
Then if he didn't comply... well. He would have the high ground, wouldn't he?
But at least for one moment, it's just them, like it always has been. There's never been anybody else, they're the only ones that won't leave. All they have is each other. A stifling sort of arrangement, is it actually what she needs? Or is it, as always, what he actually wants for her? ]
no subject
Too emotional. Too exhausted.
The streets demand for her, and she can't put her mind to do it. Divided between trying to honor what they've done for her, and wanting to live. Breathing in right now does put some comfort and some security back in her even if it had been broken last she saw him alive.
Family is complicated, and she just sighs into his chest for a second before she lets go.)